Monday, 19 September 2011

The Case of the Missing Mayonnaise

It was a dark and stormy night....Too cliche? That's how Snoopy begins all of his novels.

Snoopy - Best-selling author, friend to birds and epic dancer. My hero.

But it's true.

It WAS a dark and stormy night. I was all cozied up in my apartment ready to settle down for a night of reading and self-reflection, when all of a sudden I was taken over by the need to go grocery shopping. Mother Hubbard's cupboard was bare. I figured if I wanted to eat tomorrow, I best go out and do something about it. I don't know about you, but I don't have grocery fairies at my place, nor do I have a personal chef. Both would be fantastic to have, especially the grocery fairies!! I wonder what they'd look like. They would definitely have their own reusable grocery bags. And bigger wings than your average fairy for hauling heavier jars of mayonnaise!

See folks, this is why I am writing to you. I am in desperate need of your expert sleuthing skills. Get out your Sherlock hat, your Columbo cigar and your Agatha Christie glasses (Agatha Christie teeth optional), we've got a mystery to solve!!

Operation: Saturated Fats

Your Mission: To solve the mystery of the missing mayonnaise

The facts: I left my house at 6:45 pm EST for the grocery store to get, well, groceries. I stopped into the LCBO (liquor store) to pick up the latest issue of Food&Drink magazine. Then I meandered over to the health food store to get some cold remedies. Then I headed over to the grocery store. I picked up the usuals: veggies, mixed nuts, tuna, and went to the check out. As I was standing there I realized...I needed mayonnaise! I left my groceries on the belt and let the guy behind me go ahead. I dashed over to the condiment aisle, chuckling as I dashed over. 'Condiment' - hehehe. Gets me every time. When I got to the mayonnaise shelf I saw that it was on sale! If I bought two, I saved more AND I got extra AirMiles. Naturally, I picked up two jars. Because, who doesn't need two jars of mayo? Apparently Canadians eat a lot of mayonnaise. Then again the people who made that up, probably learned about Canadians from these guys:

Anyway fellow sleuthers, back to the case at hand! I went back to the check out, paid for my groceries, put them in my reusable bag and headed to my car. My drive back from the grocery store was uneventful, but the action started once I got out of the car. I opened the passenger side door and BAM! Half of my groceries tumbled onto the tarmac and rolled under my car. I managed to save the tuna, the nuts, the veggies and one jar of mayonnaise (it was behind the back driver's side tire).

But where did the other jar of mayo go?

It was raining outside in a mist you couldn't escape. People were walking by wondering why there was a woman doing downward facing dog beside her car. I was wondering why I was doing downward facing dog beside my car trying to find the missing mayo.

Here's what I know. It wasn't under the car. It wasn't around the car. It wasn't in the car. It wasn't in my grocery bag. It wasn't anywhere. I gave up. Head hanging and shoulders slouched, I went inside out of the rain, bringing with me a pang of regret that I was leaving something behind in the rain.

If you're still out there mayonnaise, stay strong. I have a team of peeps out to look for you! If anyone approaches you, the code word is: Saturated Fats.

So my mystery mavens, can you solve the mystery of the missing mayonnaise?
Would love to hear your thoughts on 'Whodunnit'!


  1. I would start my search at the grocery store. They didn't put the other jar in your bag! I've had this happen to me before. Not only that, they booby trapped your bag so it would fall and you wouldn't notice the mayonnaise wasn't in the bag. Oh yeah, I solved it.

  2. Somehow, the guy behind you made off with the mayo.

  3. I figure one of three things happened. (1)You ate it on the way home but you've repressed the memory. (2)It's hanging out with the sock it spotted in the middle of the road. (3)I don't wish to unfairly malign anyone, but perhaps it was stolen. A brand-new unopened jar of mayo can be awfully tempting.

  4. Oh no! What are you going to do? How can you survive with only one jar?! (I'm allowed to tease about this because I am also Canadian!)

  5. Diana - I love your theories. All incredibly plausible, Mayonnaise is a slippery specimen.

    Julie - I knew you would feel my pain, my fellow Canuck.

    Erica - I HATE being booby trapped! >:oS

    Kelly - I'm going to have to be more careful next time. Mayo is a precious commodity here. ;)

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  7. Wait!

    I need an important irrelevant piece of information! Is this regular majo, or the olive oil so much better for our physique Cadillac version?

    Ok, I have the answer.

    Actually you are holding 'the answer'.

    If half of your groceries tumbled then the other half is still in the bag.

    Yep, I am the self proclaimed winner; or should I imply the author is the winner, after all she has two majo, which many Canadians would translate as a win / win apparently! :-)